Well, this trip was…interesting, to say the least. I’m still not fully back on earth, so please be patient if it takes a while for me to pull the bits of my brain back together and put everything in a ‘normal’ sequence of events.
This time I agreed to be observed when I took the ketamine. I politely asked those who were present (who I will leave unnamed) to leave me mostly alone and only offer medical attention if I really became destructive to myself or needed to be resusitated. I recalled how I had collapsed the last time I tripped; I didn’t want to be prematurely ‘brought back' before I learned anything. Quickly I consumed the small packet of what looked like sugar crystals—I refused their offer of a ‘controlled dose’. Their ‘safe amount’ wouldn’t be enough—and began waiting.
Tripping alone is one thing, but tripping with other people around you is even more bizarre. They try to anchor you, asking things like ‘how do you feel’ or ‘can you understand me’ even though it’s useless in the end; their words melt away and distort into sounds that have no meaning and all that’s left is the slow shifting pattern of emotion on their faces. I felt as if I should tell them what’s going on, explain my behavior because it makes perfect sense to me but it didn’t really seems to make sense to them. But when I spoke they looked at me and confusion inched across their features; to my vision it takes forever to understand and did nothing. I was given a box of crayons and pencils and paper; I tried to write down what I was feeling but I’d forgotten English and my poleepkwan characters turned into batches of squiggles and intersecting lines. It’s so beautiful, a new language all its own, but they can’t read it. I began drawing what I saw, but they didn’t understand what I was doing and rumbled at me with voices too far away to hear. Eventually I ignored them altogether and focus instead on the trip. The white fog was swiftly returning…I sat down on the floor and waited for my consciousness to slip away. It did, my body vanished from view, and I was once again in that odd blankness.
George was waiting for me serenely. He was glowing again. “Hey. Back so soon?”
“Is this the hive mind?” I cut to the chase, not wanting to waste time. “Or is this heaven or some afterlife?” I was angered when he shrugged.
"Beats me. Whatever it is, everyone's here."
"Yes, you said that last time, but what do you mean everyone? Are they dead? Is the Queen here? How can i be talking to you--"
He cut my stream of questions short. "Olo, look. I know what your saying...but I can't describe it. I'm sorry, but I can't answer your questions." George was quiet for a moment, then both his expression and plating brightened. "Hey--I know. Maybe you can see it the way I do."
How? Would I have to die? I mean, I'd done that before, but it was useless if I found the answers only stay dead and not be able to tell others. George shook his head. "No, you won't die."
He could hear my thoughts? "Yup." George nodded. "But anyway, you know when you tried to hug me? Maybe we can try that again--if we overlap it might work." Before I could even think of a responce he darted forward and passed through me.
What happened next I cannot remember lucidly enough—only bits and snatches of memory remains. The bottom seemed to drop out of the world; I was bent and twisted into a mobius strip and sundered from time and space. Voices came from all around me even though I could not hear. Somewhere in that sequence of events I somehow forgot who I was and what I was thinking; I began observing my own thoughts while unaware that they were my thoughts. Olo was everywhere, nowhere, and anywhere, but he wasn't me...does that make sense?
The next memory was of waking up and seeing an unfamiliar poleepkwa face hovering just over mine. The nausea came again and slammed me; I rolled over--I was lying on the floor?--and vomited. When i was done I looked around--where was I and what am i doing here? I curled in in a corner and protected my head with my hands.
"Olo?" The poleepkwa spoke. The voice; I knew that voice--Viktor! The memory slapped me in the face and I remembered where I was and what the hell was going on. I grinned weakly and wiped vomit from my mandibles. "Hey Viktor."
And here I am now. I'll write more when I can figure out what happened.