Daylight.

Today is a nice day, if you’re a nature person. I can see the sun hanging high overhead like a dragon’s eye, swollen and yellow. It crisply takes in the green of the trees; it makes the brown and black of the bark stand out in stark relief against the few patches where snow clings on for dear life. Sooner or later it’ll realize that its time is up and melt away cleanly, or maybe not. Maybe it’ll keep hanging on until it’s finally torn from existence by the glare of the sun.

Today is a nice day, if you’re a nature person. If you’re like me and crave darkness, cut into with neon lights like knives and seething with the electricity of desire, carefully balanced tension that glitters like honed steel, it’s horrible. Today is one of those days that prove to me that I cannot leave this world; as wonderful as our home planet sounds and as exciting as it would be to go there, I can’t leave Earth. When the sun goes down and it’s dark out it’s fine—I’ve compromised between worlds and can get both the sky and the ground in my life. Now though, in the brightness…Vishnu I wish that today would end already.

I can’t leave my raves behind—even now, I feel the absence of a bass beat thumping next to my heart and miss it terribly. Without the rhythm and the vibration of speakers I am hollow; without the flashing strobes I am hopelessly blind. To be surrounded by color, lights, moving bodies and the thick, steady beat-beat-beat-beat of the music is like a drug to me, and that fact is both horrifying and uplifting. Yes, perhaps I’ll give up another life beyond this atmosphere for a chance at techno and nightlife here, but I’ll make sure that the upper air trembles with my music. Others will carry on my story if I reach them and my story is worth telling; if it isn’t worth telling I am content to keep writing it and living it. Someday it might be memorable then.

There are a few hours left until daylight ends. There are a few more days until I can finally go home. I’m waiting.